A Gentle Reminder: You’re Not Alone in This

If you’re reading this, you or someone you love is likely navigating the difficult journey of pelvic pain during intimacy. I want you to know that you are not alone, and most importantly, you do not need to carry this burden alone. Many women struggle with pelvic pain and the feelings of isolation and shame that often come with it. It’s a deeply personal and vulnerable experience, and it can feel incredibly challenging to open up—even to a trusted partner.

But here’s the truth: Healing is not a solo journey. When partners become part of the healing team, real progress can happen, not only in physical healing but also in emotional connection and relationship strength. This blog is designed specifically for heterosexual couples, but the core messages apply to anyone supporting a loved one through pelvic pain. Our goal is to provide gentle guidance, encouragement, and practical steps to help both partners feel more confident and connected as they move forward.

Why Pelvic Pain Happens: It’s Not “Just in Your Head”

Pelvic pain can affect women at many stages of life and often has multiple contributing factors.
Common times when pain with intimacy might occur include:
● Postpartum recovery, when the body is healing from birth
● Perimenopause and menopause, when hormonal changes can affect tissue health
● Hormonal shifts, including those caused by birth control
● Chronic conditions such as endometriosis, PCOS, or painful periods
● Following experiences of sexual trauma, which can create physical and emotional pain responses
● None of the above—sometimes pelvic pain can simply result from muscle imbalances that may need some shifting with strength, mobility, or how we move throughout our day Despite how common pelvic pain is, many women feel dismissed when they try to talk about it.

Whether due to lack of provider education or cultural taboos, women are often told things like:

● “Just relax and have a glass of wine.”
● “Pain during sex is normal after childbirth—just give it time.”
● “You just need to stretch more.”
● “Keep your husband happy.”

These dismissive comments can compound feelings of shame and isolation, leaving women feeling that they need to “fix themselves” alone. But pelvic pain is a legitimate medical issue that requires real support, not quick fixes or empty reassurances.

The Pelvic Pain Partner Letter: A Bridge to Better Communication

One of the biggest barriers to healing is the struggle to communicate openly with your partner.
Many women feel uncomfortable talking about pain during intimacy, worried they might disappoint or hurt their partner’s feelings. The Pelvic Pain Partner Letter is a tool designed to help bridge this gap.
This letter offers:

● Gentle, clear language to help explain what pelvic pain feels like
● Validation for both partners, showing that neither is at fault
● Actionable suggestions for how to move forward together
● A way to open the door to conversations that might otherwise feel too difficult to start

If you feel stuck finding the right words, this letter can do the heavy lifting for you. Sometimes, simply handing your partner a resource can help them understand what you’re going through and how they can support you without pressure.

How Pelvic Physical Therapy Can Help

Pelvic health physical therapists are uniquely positioned to help women with pelvic pain because we speak the language of orthopedics, pain science, and the nervous system. We understand that pelvic pain is a whole-body issue, recognizing that everything is connected—from your posture and breathing to your emotional well-being and daily habits.

We are also the only healthcare providers with the education and skills to physically assess the muscles and fascia of the pelvic floor, both internally and externally. However, this does not mean an internal assessment is required. Whether it’s the first visit or the third, the decision to include an internal muscle assessment is always up to you. Our role is to provide guidance and education about what this assessment involves and honor your wishes in the direction of your care.
Our approach involves:

● Whole-body assessments—because pelvic pain often involves posture, movement patterns, and even breathing mechanics
● Addressing related areas—such as neck, back, hips, and legs to uncover hidden connections contributing to pain
● Looking at lifestyle factors—including work and home postures that might reinforce muscle tension
● Non-invasive options—if you’re not ready for pelvic floor assessments, we can focus on breathwork, posture, and gentle movement

Common Questions About Pelvic Health Appointments

1. What do I wear to a pelvic health appointment?
○ Wear comfortable clothes. It’s best to avoid tight or restrictive clothing. You can also bring comfy clothes to change into when you arrive.
2. How much detail do I need to share with my provider?
○ There is truly no such thing as TMI for us. You are welcome to share as little or as much as you feel comfortable with.
3. How long will the session be?
○ The initial evaluation is 90 minutes, allowing time to talk, assess, and plan. Follow-up visits are 60 minutes, typically once a week.
4. Are there things I can be doing at home?
○ Yes! This might include breathing exercises, gentle stretches, or adjustments in daily movements.
5. How long does it typically take to feel better?
○ This is highly individual. During your first evaluation, we’ll discuss a realistic timeline based on your unique needs.

Considering the Support of a Sex Therapist

In creating the Pelvic Pain Partner Letter years ago, I consulted with a certified sex therapist to ensure the message was supportive, trauma-informed, and practical. While pelvic physical therapy addresses the physical and holistic aspects of healing, a sex therapist can offer valuable insights into the emotional and relational dynamics of intimacy and connection.

If you feel that additional support could benefit you and your partner, you can explore the national directory of certified sex therapists through AASECT: Find a Sex Therapist.

Moving Forward: You Deserve Support

Contact us today for expert guidance on pelvic pain treatment and to download your free partner support letter.

✔ Download the ‘Pelvic Pain Partner Letter’ to learn more about how partners can provide support.
✔ Contact us for a virtual or in-person pelvic health consultation—because real solutions exist, and you don’t have to figure this out alone.